Another broad theme which emerged in my project*** was the theme of Self-Sufficiency & Stigma, in which participants expressed their hesitations to open up about their experiences as a man within American culture. Broadly, all the participants reported never being sat down and told what a man “should or should not be”, save for messages of chivalry and that men don’t hit women. Instead, the messages of what it meant to be a man were learned from watching others and absorbed through values instilled in them on the field. However, most participants identified the value of self-sufficiency as something that was tied to their concept of masculinity. In discussing the need to be self-reliant, there was a sense, across most participants, that their ability to be self-sufficient was intertwined with their perceived success as a man.
Hunter: If you answered the – if you phrase the question as do you feel comfortable asking for help, asking for help, um, I would have said strongly disagree I think on almost all of them [Laughs]. Um, I don’t know where that comes from. Maybe that’s, maybe that’s one of like the, what does it mean to you to be a man.
Matt: Um, I think that a lot of people, and this again might be, you know, is one of the qualities that I think some men are taught growing up is like, you know, you figured out on your own you can do – the direction. You don’t need to ask directions, everything can be done by your own.
Connor: I remember my mom asking me in high school – I crashed my car, I wasn’t playing well on the football field and my girlfriend dumped me and I was depressed probably. I was like really upset for like a month and she said, ‘Do you want me to take you to a psychologist?’ And I was like, “What? No, I don’t want to do that.” She was like, ‘I think you need to talk to someone.’ And I just remember being like no, I’m too manly for that to be honest. To be honest I think it’s hard for the stereotypical man, football player to say, “Hey, I want to sit down and talk about my feelings.”...So like I never really did that with my dad. That’s weird.
Given the overall goal of my project was to unearth barriers to mental health services, I explored the ways in which the need for self-sufficiency may impact a man’s decision to seek help. Many participants discussed an unspoken agreement among men to only offer advice or recommend seeking help when they specifically asked—otherwise, the assumption should be that the other man could take care of himself. Even amongst teammates who spend a majority of their time together and are bonded through time and competition, all of the men shared they would be extremely hesitant to approach a teammate (or other male friend) with their struggles or ask about theirs. Importantly, this traditional masculine ideal of self-sufficiency and the internalized image of the invincible football warrior reinforce one another as young football players negotiate the stressors of their lives, and decrease the likelihood of these young men seeking help.
Hunter: ...college football players are probably less likely to seek that sort of thing out –for the same reason, versus an NFL player, for the same reason that any college student is less likely to seek that sort of thing out, versus someone who’s you know older, has a sense of invincibility. Ah, I’ll get through this and whatever else.
Connor: I do think as a football player and especially as a man you get in this place where it’s like you can’t – you don’t really want to – you can’t be sensitive.
As a clinician, it is imperative to work to reduce the stigma of seeking and offering help within full athletic system. The “see something—say something” mantra has begun to be instilled on high school and college campuses, but it will require a more concerted effort within Athletic Departments and individual teams.
***Based on results from my dissertation: "No pain, no gain: American football players' attitudes towards help-seeking and barriers to mental health service utilization" (2015).